


4 a.m. Knows All My Secrets

by thefreakfox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Insomnia, M/M, Sastiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 13:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1228483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefreakfox/pseuds/thefreakfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, Cas told Sam how he thought that sleep seemed to be a beautiful and scary thing at the same time; beautiful, because people looked so peaceful most of the time when they slept, like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders, and because they looked so terribly unguarded when they slept; and scary, because sleep meant that people seemed to cease to exist as soon as they were asleep. </p>
<p>Now, Cas is human and he can't sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4 a.m. Knows All My Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from this quote: "The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets."  
> ― Poppy Z. Brite

once again beta'd by the beautiful[ eierschalenblau](http://eierschalenblau.tumblr.com/). and before I forget: come find me on [tumblr](thefreakfox.tumblr.com)?

* * *

 

 

 

As an angel, Cas never had to sleep.  
Sam knows that because sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, from nothing really, and see Cas sitting in the motel room, watching over Dean and him.

Cas didn’t need to sleep, but sometimes, for Sam’s sake, he lay in bed with him, at least until Sam had drifted into his dreams.   
Sometimes, Cas even stayed the whole night, and Sam woke to piercing blue eyes, watching him.

Once, he told Sam how he thought that sleep seemed to be a beautiful and scary thing at the same time; beautiful, because people looked so peaceful most of the time when they slept, like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders, and because they looked so terribly unguarded when they slept; and scary, because sleep meant that people seemed to cease to exist as soon as they were asleep.   
Sam had laughed then, trying to explain to Cas that people didn’t cease to exist when they slept – they were just, well, asleep.

Every now and then, the Winchesters stayed awake with him.   
Sam would research their next case and Dean would try and teach Cas things about humans, from jokes to small talk.   
Dean had the tendency to drift off after a few hours, but Sam always tried to stay awake longer; loving the quiet moments Cas and he shared, when the sunlight was just creeping over the horizon, drenching the world in a light that made the surroundings seem not quite real.

It was during one of these hours that Sam kissed Cas for the first time.   
The hour seemed appropriate; with everything around them not-quite-real, Sam didn’t feel real himself, and if everything went wrong, he could always blame it on sleep deprivation.   
But Cas had kissed him back, clumsy at first, and then more and more confident.   
The next time they stopped at a motel, Dean asked if he should get two rooms instead of one, and proved that even though he did drift off to sleep, it didn’t mean that he was asleep all of the time.

Now, Cas is human; and he can’t sleep.   
At first he was just afraid of it, but now, even though his body craves sleep, he can’t bring himself to drift off.   
Sam tries his best, making him hot milk and honey, buying a new mattress, even reading to him; but nothing seems to work.

Now, Cas stands in the kitchen of the bunker, and he can’t sleep, and he never thought that such a thing as not sleeping would make him want to cry.

Now, it’s 4 a.m., and the sun will not rise for more than an hour, and Cas has never felt more alone in his whole life than right this moment.

Now, Sam steps behind him, almost soundless, his broad chest covering Cas’ back, and he holds him, and asks him when he will come to bed.

Now, Cas turns around and goes to bed with him, even though he knows that he won’t be able to sleep until he just drops from exhaustion.

Now, Cas looks down on Sam’s sleeping face, and the thinks that he might not be an angel anymore, but he can still keep watch over Sam at night.


End file.
